Another Child's Mother
I have only been inside a courtroom twice in my life, but jail on the other hand, I have seen many
times. No, don't get your hopes up for some kind of skeletons lurking of that sort in my closet, I was never behind bars.
The first time I was in a courtroom, was in the late 90's when I lived in Bossier Parish and had my divorced finalized. The second was in 2013 in Maquoketa, Iowa. We spent a long day listening to testimony after testimony on why a young mother should not be able to keep her son. From one mother to another, the stories filled my heart with sadness. I knew with every fiber of my being that the judge was going to rule against this young mom who was pregnant again, only clean for 4 months, only out of jail for 6 months and had no job and no home. She had already had more than enough time to try and be a mom and now, he was going to be mine for good. It was my time to be another child's mother.
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Monday, April 22, 2013 was the last time that I have seen the inside of a courtroom.
Lamar and I knew in the fall of 2011 that we wanted to be parents again. I am not sure if it was the fact that Katie was in 8th grade and entering high school, or that friends my age were having babies, but no, it was just us responding to God.
I am not a prophet, I cannot see the future, I don't get "visions" from God, but what I do get are feelings, pulling's or tugs from what lives inside of me, the Holy Spirit. I have a very close relationship with the God of the universe. I fully believe that he is Omni-present and that when you accept him by faith, God sends the Holy Spirit to live in you as your guide to help you through life. People talk about getting it confused with your conscience, but I know better and I fully know the difference.
Where am I going with this?
Pastor Rob had spent weeks preaching about adoption. Lamar & I both felt that God was calling us to take action. We started the long drawn out process and after a year, we were licensed by the state of Iowa to foster and or adopt children.
July 18th 2012, I became a mother to someone else's child. Our lives flipped upside down.
The days that followed were spent in adjustment and chaos, followed by moments of calm serenity than fits of sobbing and rage, and that was just me!!!
Looking back now it wasn't all that bad. He quickly became my little boy. He called me mommy, sat on my lap, held my hand and I walked him into kindergarten every morning. I was determined to keep this little blonde haired, blue eyed boy that the state had placed with us. My motherly jealousy and ugly ungodly attitude kept kicking in and started to consume me. I was in the mind set that he is mine now, I can take so much better care of him than his birth mom can. I didn't like any of my feelings, but was not doing anything thing to change them.
I met his birth mom about one week after he had moved in. I had no idea what it was going to be like or what to expect from anything. She got her first supervised visit and I met her face to face. Oh my goodness, I remember thinking, she was really just a kid herself. She was not anything that I thought she would be, but for the first time, my jealousy was not so prevalent and my heart broke for her.
She was far from having her act together and we were being led to believe all along that he would legally be ours. I felt like I didn't owe her anything.
The months passed and the visits were sporadic and then they came to a screeching halt because she was sent back to jail. I was okay with this because my mind thought that the longer she was away, he will not miss her as much when the time comes for the adoption.
We all continued to adjust to the changes and having one more body in the house all of the time, besides Becca, lol.
Every day brought something new, but my heart was being gripped by God. I took one day and I went to the Christian bookstore, bought her a bible and made my first trip to the Scott County jail. One visit turned into 20. Every visit I made with her, my heart changed and so did hers. She wanted to get clean for good this time and not just for herself but for the little boy that we shared. Unfortunately though, The time had come to an end on her side and she was past the time of getting it together.
The days got shorter and the nights got colder. We celebrated Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, St. Patrick's Day and Easter.
His mom had been released from jail but she was in rehab still but the court date was set for April 22nd to terminate her rights as his mother.
I was excited, nervous and sad all at the same time. Everything was continuing the way that I thought and knew in my heart that it should be going.
Lamar, my dad and I, spent Monday, April 22nd in the small court room in Maquoketa. We were for sure not in Kansas anymore. There were no metal detectors, the 4 cells that they had were left open so the offenders were free to walk around as they pleased and some of them made moonshine in their spare time. I was waiting for Andy & Barney to step out of the offices because I thought for sure I was in a dream.
It took us 45 minutes to drive home and had only been home about 10 minutes when the phone rang. It was our social worker telling me information that seemed like black noise to me. It couldn't be true?? She said that we had lost him. The judge decided against termination of her rights and ordered reunification within 1 week.
7 days later, he was gone! His room that was once filled with furniture, stuffed animals,. toys, legos and everything little boy, was empty. The floors were free of army men that hurt like heck when you step on them with bare feet. The house was quiet.
For 9 months of my life, I was another child's mother. He was worth my time, my energy, my tears, my laughter and all of the love & heartbreak that came with it.
It has been a year and a half now since he has been gone and we have continued to carry on. God gave us all of the strength that we needed for when he came in like a little whirlwind, sweeping through our lives, and he has given us the strength to let him go and know that God had it all worked out the entire time. I would not change anything about the outcome of that day, because once again, God knew best!
He was reunited with his mom and to this day, she has still continued to stay clean. She is married now to the father of her second baby boy and the little boy that we shared, is healthy and happy!
times. No, don't get your hopes up for some kind of skeletons lurking of that sort in my closet, I was never behind bars.
The first time I was in a courtroom, was in the late 90's when I lived in Bossier Parish and had my divorced finalized. The second was in 2013 in Maquoketa, Iowa. We spent a long day listening to testimony after testimony on why a young mother should not be able to keep her son. From one mother to another, the stories filled my heart with sadness. I knew with every fiber of my being that the judge was going to rule against this young mom who was pregnant again, only clean for 4 months, only out of jail for 6 months and had no job and no home. She had already had more than enough time to try and be a mom and now, he was going to be mine for good. It was my time to be another child's mother.
Monday, April 22, 2013 was the last time that I have seen the inside of a courtroom. Lamar and I knew in the fall of 2011 that we wanted to be parents again. I am not sure if it was the fact that Katie was in 8th grade and entering high school, or that friends my age were having babies, but no, it was just us responding to God.
I am not a prophet, I cannot see the future, I don't get "visions" from God, but what I do get are feelings, pulling's or tugs from what lives inside of me, the Holy Spirit. I have a very close relationship with the God of the universe. I fully believe that he is Omni-present and that when you accept him by faith, God sends the Holy Spirit to live in you as your guide to help you through life. People talk about getting it confused with your conscience, but I know better and I fully know the difference.
Where am I going with this?
Pastor Rob had spent weeks preaching about adoption. Lamar & I both felt that God was calling us to take action. We started the long drawn out process and after a year, we were licensed by the state of Iowa to foster and or adopt children.
July 18th 2012, I became a mother to someone else's child. Our lives flipped upside down.
The days that followed were spent in adjustment and chaos, followed by moments of calm serenity than fits of sobbing and rage, and that was just me!!!
Looking back now it wasn't all that bad. He quickly became my little boy. He called me mommy, sat on my lap, held my hand and I walked him into kindergarten every morning. I was determined to keep this little blonde haired, blue eyed boy that the state had placed with us. My motherly jealousy and ugly ungodly attitude kept kicking in and started to consume me. I was in the mind set that he is mine now, I can take so much better care of him than his birth mom can. I didn't like any of my feelings, but was not doing anything thing to change them.
I met his birth mom about one week after he had moved in. I had no idea what it was going to be like or what to expect from anything. She got her first supervised visit and I met her face to face. Oh my goodness, I remember thinking, she was really just a kid herself. She was not anything that I thought she would be, but for the first time, my jealousy was not so prevalent and my heart broke for her.
She was far from having her act together and we were being led to believe all along that he would legally be ours. I felt like I didn't owe her anything. The months passed and the visits were sporadic and then they came to a screeching halt because she was sent back to jail. I was okay with this because my mind thought that the longer she was away, he will not miss her as much when the time comes for the adoption.
We all continued to adjust to the changes and having one more body in the house all of the time, besides Becca, lol.
Every day brought something new, but my heart was being gripped by God. I took one day and I went to the Christian bookstore, bought her a bible and made my first trip to the Scott County jail. One visit turned into 20. Every visit I made with her, my heart changed and so did hers. She wanted to get clean for good this time and not just for herself but for the little boy that we shared. Unfortunately though, The time had come to an end on her side and she was past the time of getting it together. The days got shorter and the nights got colder. We celebrated Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, St. Patrick's Day and Easter.
I was excited, nervous and sad all at the same time. Everything was continuing the way that I thought and knew in my heart that it should be going.
Lamar, my dad and I, spent Monday, April 22nd in the small court room in Maquoketa. We were for sure not in Kansas anymore. There were no metal detectors, the 4 cells that they had were left open so the offenders were free to walk around as they pleased and some of them made moonshine in their spare time. I was waiting for Andy & Barney to step out of the offices because I thought for sure I was in a dream.
It took us 45 minutes to drive home and had only been home about 10 minutes when the phone rang. It was our social worker telling me information that seemed like black noise to me. It couldn't be true?? She said that we had lost him. The judge decided against termination of her rights and ordered reunification within 1 week.
7 days later, he was gone! His room that was once filled with furniture, stuffed animals,. toys, legos and everything little boy, was empty. The floors were free of army men that hurt like heck when you step on them with bare feet. The house was quiet.
For 9 months of my life, I was another child's mother. He was worth my time, my energy, my tears, my laughter and all of the love & heartbreak that came with it.
It has been a year and a half now since he has been gone and we have continued to carry on. God gave us all of the strength that we needed for when he came in like a little whirlwind, sweeping through our lives, and he has given us the strength to let him go and know that God had it all worked out the entire time. I would not change anything about the outcome of that day, because once again, God knew best!
He was reunited with his mom and to this day, she has still continued to stay clean. She is married now to the father of her second baby boy and the little boy that we shared, is healthy and happy!
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