Time & Transition
It's a chilly Thursday rainy fall night and there are people sitting in a large room in the mansion house over looking the Mississippi River. I am one of those people and It's a place that has many happy memories for me and it's a place that I frequent, but usually as the role of volunteer.
Today, I am a member. A member of a club that nobody ever wants to be a part of in their lives.
I'm still not used to this unfamiliar role, but am trying to take it all in as I go. I'm now a member of a nation wide club that supports cancer victims, survivors, and anyone else involved in their struggle. I mean, Let's face the sad fact that once you are diagnosed, it not only happens to you, but everyone around you!
I feel like I am in an AA meeting. (Not that I have ever been to one), but in my imagination, or from TV, I see a set of chairs full of people with glazed over looks & I'm the next one waiting for my turn to say "hello, my name is Heather and I am an addict."
It is not an AA meeting though, I'm at my transitions group at Gilda's club and I'm trying to work on my issues. I am sure that everyone reading this will say, I'm sure she is a member with a lot of issues. Haha, but in all seriousness, I'm trying to work through things that contstantly change as I transition into my new self. There is nobody that can stand before me and say that what they have been through has not changed them. It's ok though, you change and change can be good. Change is where we learn & grow in ourselves and others. I am not the same person that I was in high school (Thank you God) and I am certainly not the person I was just a year ago. How do I work through it all? One day at a time, that's how!
My schedule has calmed down drastically now, and I feel like our house is functional once more. I feel like a wife and mother, and that is 2 jobs that I've had to take a huge backseat to. It's been a hard thing for me to step back from, because no matter where I have been in my life, these are the things that I'm most proud of and that I know I somewhat excel at. (This is data gathered by me and not from the other sources of husband and kids).
I do feel like time is healing and I'm very proud of how far my family has come with their own spiritual and mental journey, but everyone that is affected, changes! For better or for worse.
I am not the same Heather that I was on May 5, 2014, the day before I was diagnosed.
I've learned that I talk less and listen a lot more. This has been a big change for me, as I have always loved to talk. My mom says that I came out of the womb screaming and I have never looked back.
My first report cards from school came home with "unnecessary talking" and the long trail of those papers didn't stop until college. I have found that you don't learn a lot while you are talking but you do when you listen more. Don't get me wrong, I still love to speak my mind but now only when needed and not all of the time!
I've stopped caring 100% of how my house looks like with dust, unmade beds, dishes in the sink or toys on the floor, I invite people over anyway.
I would give a lot now to have back the time I've spent cleaning the house to impress other people when it just didn't matter!!
I ride with my windows down every chance I get, so that I can feel the breeze in my face. I no longer think it matters that I show up somewhere looking perfectly put together. I will continue breathing with my hair out of place.
I have learned with all graciousness to now accept help when I need it.
That brings me back to the rainy Thursday night at Gilda's and me sitting their contently listening and then talking myself about what it is like for me in this transition. I am continuing to learn about the new me and everything else that comes with a new transition.
A time for Everything
"For everything there is a season, and a time for everything under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted. A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up. A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together. A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to see; a time to keep silent and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace."
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Today, I am a member. A member of a club that nobody ever wants to be a part of in their lives.
I'm still not used to this unfamiliar role, but am trying to take it all in as I go. I'm now a member of a nation wide club that supports cancer victims, survivors, and anyone else involved in their struggle. I mean, Let's face the sad fact that once you are diagnosed, it not only happens to you, but everyone around you!
I feel like I am in an AA meeting. (Not that I have ever been to one), but in my imagination, or from TV, I see a set of chairs full of people with glazed over looks & I'm the next one waiting for my turn to say "hello, my name is Heather and I am an addict."
It is not an AA meeting though, I'm at my transitions group at Gilda's club and I'm trying to work on my issues. I am sure that everyone reading this will say, I'm sure she is a member with a lot of issues. Haha, but in all seriousness, I'm trying to work through things that contstantly change as I transition into my new self. There is nobody that can stand before me and say that what they have been through has not changed them. It's ok though, you change and change can be good. Change is where we learn & grow in ourselves and others. I am not the same person that I was in high school (Thank you God) and I am certainly not the person I was just a year ago. How do I work through it all? One day at a time, that's how!
My schedule has calmed down drastically now, and I feel like our house is functional once more. I feel like a wife and mother, and that is 2 jobs that I've had to take a huge backseat to. It's been a hard thing for me to step back from, because no matter where I have been in my life, these are the things that I'm most proud of and that I know I somewhat excel at. (This is data gathered by me and not from the other sources of husband and kids).
I do feel like time is healing and I'm very proud of how far my family has come with their own spiritual and mental journey, but everyone that is affected, changes! For better or for worse.
I am not the same Heather that I was on May 5, 2014, the day before I was diagnosed.
I've learned that I talk less and listen a lot more. This has been a big change for me, as I have always loved to talk. My mom says that I came out of the womb screaming and I have never looked back.
I've stopped caring 100% of how my house looks like with dust, unmade beds, dishes in the sink or toys on the floor, I invite people over anyway.
I would give a lot now to have back the time I've spent cleaning the house to impress other people when it just didn't matter!!
I ride with my windows down every chance I get, so that I can feel the breeze in my face. I no longer think it matters that I show up somewhere looking perfectly put together. I will continue breathing with my hair out of place.
I have learned with all graciousness to now accept help when I need it.
That brings me back to the rainy Thursday night at Gilda's and me sitting their contently listening and then talking myself about what it is like for me in this transition. I am continuing to learn about the new me and everything else that comes with a new transition.
A time for Everything
"For everything there is a season, and a time for everything under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted. A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up. A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together. A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to see; a time to keep silent and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace."
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
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