Forgiveness: An Ugly, Beautiful Word
I open my eyes and it's morning.
I get out of bed, make lunches, Katie's breakfast and then I brush my teeth and my hair (well some mornings anyway).
I slide on my boots, grab my luggage and head out the door.
I hit the ground running everyday but I cannot forget my luggage. Its beautiful and in great condition. Some days it's Target, filling up the truck, the bank, and other regular places.
Everyday and everywhere I go, I pull along my luggage. I would love to leave it at home, but I can't. Tuesdays are the same morning routine, but on this morning, I do my hair and make-up and then head to church to lead my table in study. Heading out the door, I attempt to leave my luggage, but I just cannot seem to do it. So, I head back into the house and grab it.
In my bible study, Wife of Noble Character, we are talking about forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a word that I have come to love and to hate all at the same time. I hate to admit as leader of my small group that I don't feel capable or equipped enough to teach/speak or give advice on forgiveness. It is something that I have had a very hard time dealing with since I was a little girl. In elementary, we would play at recess and if something happened, we would simply say I'm sorry and we would forgive or be forgiven. The words "I'm Sorry" and "you're forgiven" would so easily roll off of the tongue. But, let's face it, running into someone on the playground, isn't exactly an unforgivable offense. I have had things in my life that I considered to be unforgivable. people that were on my list of things that they had done or said to me and I could not let them go.
I learned through a very hard time and over a very long period of time that you cannot get far in life and far in our relationships without forgiveness. Especially my relationship with Jesus.
Unforgiving turns into bitterness. It makes us unhappy, sick and we carry it around with us all of the time. Sometimes if we know it or not.......
What do we feel that real forgiveness is? Do we understand it all?
Jesus tells us that forgiveness is not an option but an important crossroads in our lives. There is no sweeping our past under the rug. It is finding forgiveness, giving forgiveness, working through the hurt and the anger.
I hear the voice of Becky teaching and I desperately search for my luggage.
Oh good, it's here, right next to me.
But wait.....the leather that I thought looked so beautiful, looks rough. It's cracked and there is a lot of damage from me carrying it around everyday.
I am looking at it through different eyes today. I am seeing the luggage all beat up and I pull it up onto the table. Nobody is watching me-all eyes are on Becky.
I open my broken down bag and it's full.
Full of paper.
I begin to pull each piece of paper out and they are labeled with names in bold black lettering and then underneath the name, some offense that has taken place against me.
Every page I read, my shoulders start to tense up and I get sick to my stomach.
I begin to think of Stephen, and when he was being stoned to death because he had spoken about Jesus Christ. As Stephen died, he said "Lord. do not hold this sin against them!"
Forgiveness.
I continue back to the stack of paper that I have pulled from the luggage. My eyes are having trouble reading some it because the memories of those moments flood my mind. My mind then wonders to Jesus on the cross. His body broken, bleeding and dieing and all for me. He said to his sweet father before he took his last breath, "Father forgive them, they don't know what they are doing."......oh my goodness, my sweet Jesus.
Forgiveness
My eyes start to tear up and my heart starts to break.
I have to stop and let it go.
Study is over and I leave my table. I pick up my luggage for the very last time.
As I leave the room, I throw it in the trash. I don't want it anymore.
Forgiveness is so very hard.
It is carrying around these huge burdens that most of the time, only ever affect you.
The days of unforgiving can turn into months and years.
It can turn into bitterness.
Forgiveness, the word that has been such an ugly word to me, has now become a beautiful word.
I am putting the anger away and moving on.
I would like to say that I was able to do it on my own, but I couldn't. I cannot do anything in this life alone!
I spent a lot of time on my knees in prayer. Confessing my sins and asking for forgiveness of myself and the ability of being able to move on.
I am forgiven and I have forgiven.
I no longer carry that baggage that has weighed me down all of these years.
I get out of bed, make lunches, Katie's breakfast and then I brush my teeth and my hair (well some mornings anyway).
I slide on my boots, grab my luggage and head out the door.
I hit the ground running everyday but I cannot forget my luggage. Its beautiful and in great condition. Some days it's Target, filling up the truck, the bank, and other regular places.
Everyday and everywhere I go, I pull along my luggage. I would love to leave it at home, but I can't. Tuesdays are the same morning routine, but on this morning, I do my hair and make-up and then head to church to lead my table in study. Heading out the door, I attempt to leave my luggage, but I just cannot seem to do it. So, I head back into the house and grab it.
In my bible study, Wife of Noble Character, we are talking about forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a word that I have come to love and to hate all at the same time. I hate to admit as leader of my small group that I don't feel capable or equipped enough to teach/speak or give advice on forgiveness. It is something that I have had a very hard time dealing with since I was a little girl. In elementary, we would play at recess and if something happened, we would simply say I'm sorry and we would forgive or be forgiven. The words "I'm Sorry" and "you're forgiven" would so easily roll off of the tongue. But, let's face it, running into someone on the playground, isn't exactly an unforgivable offense. I have had things in my life that I considered to be unforgivable. people that were on my list of things that they had done or said to me and I could not let them go.
I learned through a very hard time and over a very long period of time that you cannot get far in life and far in our relationships without forgiveness. Especially my relationship with Jesus.
Unforgiving turns into bitterness. It makes us unhappy, sick and we carry it around with us all of the time. Sometimes if we know it or not.......
What do we feel that real forgiveness is? Do we understand it all?
Jesus tells us that forgiveness is not an option but an important crossroads in our lives. There is no sweeping our past under the rug. It is finding forgiveness, giving forgiveness, working through the hurt and the anger.
I hear the voice of Becky teaching and I desperately search for my luggage.
Oh good, it's here, right next to me.
But wait.....the leather that I thought looked so beautiful, looks rough. It's cracked and there is a lot of damage from me carrying it around everyday.
I am looking at it through different eyes today. I am seeing the luggage all beat up and I pull it up onto the table. Nobody is watching me-all eyes are on Becky.
I open my broken down bag and it's full.
Full of paper.
I begin to pull each piece of paper out and they are labeled with names in bold black lettering and then underneath the name, some offense that has taken place against me.
Every page I read, my shoulders start to tense up and I get sick to my stomach.
I begin to think of Stephen, and when he was being stoned to death because he had spoken about Jesus Christ. As Stephen died, he said "Lord. do not hold this sin against them!"
Forgiveness.
I continue back to the stack of paper that I have pulled from the luggage. My eyes are having trouble reading some it because the memories of those moments flood my mind. My mind then wonders to Jesus on the cross. His body broken, bleeding and dieing and all for me. He said to his sweet father before he took his last breath, "Father forgive them, they don't know what they are doing."......oh my goodness, my sweet Jesus.
Forgiveness
My eyes start to tear up and my heart starts to break.
I have to stop and let it go.
Study is over and I leave my table. I pick up my luggage for the very last time.
As I leave the room, I throw it in the trash. I don't want it anymore.
Forgiveness is so very hard.
It is carrying around these huge burdens that most of the time, only ever affect you.
The days of unforgiving can turn into months and years.
It can turn into bitterness.
Forgiveness, the word that has been such an ugly word to me, has now become a beautiful word.
I am putting the anger away and moving on.
I would like to say that I was able to do it on my own, but I couldn't. I cannot do anything in this life alone!
I spent a lot of time on my knees in prayer. Confessing my sins and asking for forgiveness of myself and the ability of being able to move on.
I am forgiven and I have forgiven.
I no longer carry that baggage that has weighed me down all of these years.
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