Post Op on May 19th
My fear is overwhelming and I am having trouble catching my breath. I am trying to function on an empty stomach but it's not going well. I know I need to eat, but I just cannot bring myself to do it.
I'm a robot moving through my morning routine to get dressed, put on my make-up, and brush my teeth. I am in constant communication with my God. He is the only one that can give me the peace & comfort that I need right now. He knows my fear but continues to tell me that he has this. I listen to his voice but I still struggle to let it all go and let him have control over it.
I head out the door on this overcast, chilly morning and drive the short 5 minutes to the Doctor's office.
The office is empty of patients, so I get to go back right away. The door closes in the exam room and I am once again left alone with my thoughts and the anxiousness of it all. I look very intently at the walls and see that they have a new poster of Melanoma awareness.
Dr. Searles opens the door and he smiles his sweet smile that comforts me. Here we go.......
The second biopsy has come back and it is not the best news. It shows that the tumor is larger than previously thought. (This goes back to the first biopsy being such a small area. It is hard to determine with a punch biopsy the extent of the tumor). The tumor measures 2mm x 3mm and it is still a Clark level IV out of V.
Definition: Clark Level is another way to describe the depth of Melanoma invasion
The doctor still cannot stage the cancer until they know if the cancer has spread. When I have surgery, they will remove my lymph nodes that affect the area and then they will biopsy them. If they come back infected with the cancer then he can the information he needs to stage it. I am scheduled for surgery on Friday, May 30th.
I come out of the office so much calmer than I went in, the clouds have gone and the sun is shining. I can feel the sun on my skin and I am not afraid. I have 10 days until my surgery, so now, for 10 days, I can put this in the back of my mind and focus on life's great joys of Lindsay and Kevin's new baby arriving next week, Katie finishing her last few days of 10th grade, going to the duck pond and playing outside with Maggie, walking Chloe and just trying to feel like a normal wife & mama!
"My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me." Psalm 62:7
I'm a robot moving through my morning routine to get dressed, put on my make-up, and brush my teeth. I am in constant communication with my God. He is the only one that can give me the peace & comfort that I need right now. He knows my fear but continues to tell me that he has this. I listen to his voice but I still struggle to let it all go and let him have control over it.
I head out the door on this overcast, chilly morning and drive the short 5 minutes to the Doctor's office.
The office is empty of patients, so I get to go back right away. The door closes in the exam room and I am once again left alone with my thoughts and the anxiousness of it all. I look very intently at the walls and see that they have a new poster of Melanoma awareness.
Dr. Searles opens the door and he smiles his sweet smile that comforts me. Here we go.......
The second biopsy has come back and it is not the best news. It shows that the tumor is larger than previously thought. (This goes back to the first biopsy being such a small area. It is hard to determine with a punch biopsy the extent of the tumor). The tumor measures 2mm x 3mm and it is still a Clark level IV out of V.
Definition: Clark Level is another way to describe the depth of Melanoma invasion
The doctor still cannot stage the cancer until they know if the cancer has spread. When I have surgery, they will remove my lymph nodes that affect the area and then they will biopsy them. If they come back infected with the cancer then he can the information he needs to stage it. I am scheduled for surgery on Friday, May 30th.
I come out of the office so much calmer than I went in, the clouds have gone and the sun is shining. I can feel the sun on my skin and I am not afraid. I have 10 days until my surgery, so now, for 10 days, I can put this in the back of my mind and focus on life's great joys of Lindsay and Kevin's new baby arriving next week, Katie finishing her last few days of 10th grade, going to the duck pond and playing outside with Maggie, walking Chloe and just trying to feel like a normal wife & mama!
"My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me." Psalm 62:7
“God is too good to be unkind. He is too wise to be confused. If I cannot trace His hand, I can always trust His heart.” ~ Spurgeon
ReplyDeletePraying continually friend!!